“Paris Hilton’s bust goes missing”

1. How does one lose one's bust?
2. Would losing one's bust involve surgery?
3. Will Benji Madden lead the search party?
4. Was a missing bust report filed?
5. Do you think one of her frenemies stole it?
6. What are the odds that she will declare her missing bust, "hot"?

"John McCain to Paris Hilton: 'Cosmo, Biyatch!'"

1. How fantastic is it that there is election-themed spam?
2. The visual of John McCain using the word 'biyatch'? Fantastic.
3. I wonder if Cindy McCain uses that word.
4. Or any of the Palin family.
5. Am I the only one who imagined John McCain chest-bumping Paris while saying this?
6. Would John McCain saying something like this make him seem like he was slightly less ancient? Or just like he was trying too hard...

"Paris Hilton Donates Income To Children's Hospital From Mini-Me Sex Tape"

Some questions:

1. Would there be a lot of income from said tape? (i.e., who would buy it?)
2. Does this mean Paris Hilton and Mini-Me are friends?
3. Is Paris Hilton IN said tape (and if so, is the whole thing a clever PR move?)?
4. Is she taking a pre-donation cut of the sex tape profits?
5. What does Benji Madden think?
6. Should Mini-Me stop making sex tapes?
7. Should Paris Hilton stop making sex tapes?
8. Will this make Rick Solomon sad (that he didn't get a cut of this one)?