"Asian Couple Have Public Library Sex"

1. Is the Asian descriptor significant in some way, or is is a bit like someone being described as Caucasian in a write-up about a crime -- just a detail which has to be included?

2. Did they have sex in a public library, or just publicly, in a private library?

3. I'm trying to imagine the context in which this would be either an appropriate headline or an email subject line. I can't come up with one.

“Paris Hilton’s bust goes missing”

1. How does one lose one's bust?
2. Would losing one's bust involve surgery?
3. Will Benji Madden lead the search party?
4. Was a missing bust report filed?
5. Do you think one of her frenemies stole it?
6. What are the odds that she will declare her missing bust, "hot"?

"Real men have big peckers"

Just one question: Is that the only qualifier?

“Make your dinosaur grow larger”

1. I don't have a dinosaur, literal or figurative; this isn't so well-targeted.
2. Are there men who refer to their penis as a dinosaur?
3. If so, do these men ever get to have sex with women?
4. If so, have these women ever met other men?
5. Weren't a lot of dinosaurs kind of scaly and...not ideal for penetration purposes?
6. If you had a literal dinosaur, would you really want it to be bigger?
7. No, seriously -- have you seen Jurassic Park?

"Angelina Jolie to adopt Spears children"

1. Seriously, doesn't Angelina have enough friggin' children?
2. If she did adopt the kidlets, would Maddox finally go postal and point out that his family has exploded in the past two years -- and thanks, but he'd rather go back to being an only child?
3. Would Zahara or Shiloh end up dating one of the boys later in life, in a very Flowers in the Attic sort of scenario?
4. Would she adopt Britney too?
5. Odds that there would be some sort of Britney/Angelina lesbian sex rumor?

"John McCain to Paris Hilton: 'Cosmo, Biyatch!'"

1. How fantastic is it that there is election-themed spam?
2. The visual of John McCain using the word 'biyatch'? Fantastic.
3. I wonder if Cindy McCain uses that word.
4. Or any of the Palin family.
5. Am I the only one who imagined John McCain chest-bumping Paris while saying this?
6. Would John McCain saying something like this make him seem like he was slightly less ancient? Or just like he was trying too hard...